Day 9: Cleansing THOUGHTS

 In my post from day 7 (Liver 411), I share that cleansing includes a mysterious process named retracing:

"The symptoms and stages of a disease peel off like an onion with the most recent symptoms disappearing first until you get to the core of the problem. Often you must revisit symptoms you have not experienced in years." The Alternative Medicine Angel

In fact, I've recently had the "pleasure" of revisting my college ulcer, my gallbladder attack, my semester with a mono and a decade of migraines.  What I didn't expect to revisit were states of mind--like anger, sorrow, depression and most notably--dissatisfication.

I know that's not a word. I have spell check too. But it should be, because it's the word I want. It's the one that best describes my perennial dis-eased condition;  which makes me wonder--is this state the root of my symptoms? And if it is, how do I rid myself of it?

I was once told that I was the best "nit picker" in town; and it was a compliment. She actually had lice and I was able to find eggs that her husband and the school nurse missed.

Gross, right?  Sometimes attention to detail puts you in weird places.  

I've read that a woman can spot a cat hair on a sweater across a room, but a man can't see it in the bowl of cereal in front of him.

How do I keep my eye for order (and beauty) without fault finding--particularly with myself?

I recently purchased something to help with this faulty equation-- Jen Louden's, The Satisfaction Finder.  In this download from the web, Jen teaches us to create "containers of enoughness" around each day and each of our goals.  (Look, she invented her own word too--enoughness.) 

I've used these containers--loosely--but I've failed to follow up with the agreement to be satisfied with myself at the end of the day despite my success.  There's always so much more I can be or do.

In our early years together, my lover threatened my incessant questing with a lobotomy. It may be that this drastic measure is the only way for me to STOP; or maybe I just need to take up pot.

But I don't want either of those. Like the late sweet crooner, John Denver sang...

"I've been lately thinking about my life's time, all the things I've done, how it's been.  And I can't help believing in my own mind. I know I'm going to hate to see it end."

Of course, in that song he also sang about, "passing the pipe around" with his Old Lady.

I'm on my way to becoming a real Old Lady, and I'd like to be a satisfied one. My guess is that there's something beneath the layer of my nit picking, and hyper-vigilant fault-finding--something deeper that has to do with...fear and protection.

With 13 days remaining on this cleanse of illness and emotion and thought, I'm sure I'll find out...


ps.  Don't even make fun of me for the late, you know who.  I grew up in the Rockies.

pps. And here's another treasure from Jen Louden--The Life Organizer, which is a book that I use every week to help align my actions with my deeper intentions.  (Shhh: It's for women, but my husband loves it too. We make it a regular date.)